“healing”

it’s not about me getting to a place where I’m just like everyone else

where I can keep up / get by / fit in / get along / go unnoticed

it’s me accepting me in all my weirdnesses

and building a life for me and all my weirdnesses

the people, the routines, the activities, the places

my sensitivities and my triggers -

I’m not trying to eliminate them.

They’re me.

I take care of them.

I don’t ignore them or belittle them. I make a life for myself that honors them - honors me.

There’s no “healed” place I am going to arrive at where my life and lifestyle and daily happenings will look like a person who doesn’t have complex trauma, who hasn’t experienced and been shaped by my experiences - that’s not my life. that’s not the goal.

I’m letting go of this image I’ve had of who I’m supposed to be and then I’ll be healed / happy / “normal” / ok … etc.

and thank goodness!

because that image was never me.

was never for me.

was never from me.