on over explaining and enmeshment and care

not trusting the self - needing external validation - can lead to tendencies to over explain

if they could just GET IT !!

if they could just UNDERSTAND me !!

when I validate myself for myself, I don’t need (feel like I need) to explain it all so they can see it just how I’m seeing it and corroborate my story

(this comes from being gaslit - being taught to dismiss my own feelings - something I believe many (most?) strong feelers / sensitive people have also experienced)

over explaining comes from enmeshment

a discomfort (read: felt sense of danger in the body) with the existence of multiple truths at the same time

multiple truths that get to exist both together + separate from one another

enmeshment trauma = it’s not safe to have different opinions, beliefs, experiences.

when I can validate for myself

my own experience + beliefs

and be with the discomfort that brings up, in me + in others

(be with the parts of me that really are afraid this is DANGEROUS - let them know I’ve got them, show them evidence that I have got them. hold compassionate boundaries interfacing with other people’s discomfort)

when I can validate for myself - then I can understand that I don’t owe anyone an explanation. I am not beholden to anyone’s understanding of me. I don’t need to explain myself.

and then, from here (I think this is so cool)

me explaining myself is an act of CARE.

I am explaining this because it matters to me.

because you matter to me.

I care about this, and I care about you.

it’s ok if you don’t like it or agree or care about it the way I do.

I don’t need that from you

instead it’s -

isn’t this interesting?? I think this is so cool and fascinating!